Cult of the Sacrilegious Apple

 

~Hymn Book~

 

Welcome one and all to the Cult's hymn book. Either read on or choose from the index below which title you would like to read. Sing up for us now!

 

Index

1. It's an Apple

2. All Things Bright and Beautiful

3. I'll Lead You All (to give cash to me)

4. Amazing Case

5. This Little Mac of Mine

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

 

Title: It's an Apple

To the Tune of: Bread of Heaven

 

My machine, crashes every day now,
I have to rebuild from scratch.
If I bought a Mac I'd be much poorer,
But the machine would look nice for the cash.

It may be, just about as unstable,
It may take longer just to boot.
But when its down, or I'm bored and switch it o-off,
It look nice in the office. Yeah! Real cute!

(Chorus)
ITS AN APPLE
ITS AN APPLE
OH! THANK GOD IT ISNT BEIGE (ISNT BEIGE)
FOR THIS, I'LL WASTE ALMOST ALL MY WAGE!

On the net, we found an iToilet,
We thought that it looked really great.
Then we read, the troll-author's information,
We missed the joke and began to hate.

Don't they know, it's not all just computers,
This is all our lives involve.
An attack to my Mac, is such a violation,
To call him gay is our resolve.

(Chorus)
ITS AN APPLE
ITS AN APPLE
OH! THANK GOD IT ISNT BEIGE (ISNT BEIGE)
FOR THIS, I'LL WASTE ALMOST ALL MY WAGE!

So we praise, our dark lord and creator,
Who brought out products that look sweet.
They may be slow, and overpriced in nature,
And will crush MS beneath our feet.

Gates is dumb. And yet he made a fortune,
Selling products that are too damned fast.
But they're beige and we do not understand them,
at least through design, Jobs broke the cast.

(Chorus)
ITS AN APPLE
ITS AN APPLE
OH! THANK GOD IT ISNT BEIGE (ISNT BEIGE)
FOR THIS, I'LL WASTE ALMOST ALL MY WAGE!

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Title: All things Bright and Beautiful

To the Tune of: All things Bright and Beautiful 

 

(Chorus)
ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL;
ALL APPLES GREAT AND SMALL.
ALL THINGS PRICED WITH OVER-KILL;
STEVE JOBS MADE THEM ALL.

Each iBook that I open.
Each myth to which I cling.
He made, their gaudy colours.
So I'll believe anything!

(Chorus)
ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL;
ALL APPLES GREAT AND SMALL.
ALL THINGS PRICED WITH OVER-KILL;
STEVE JOBS MADE THEM ALL.

For every time it crashes,
I smile and read a book.
Three chapters on, it's loaded,
Only an hour it took!

(Chorus)
ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL;
ALL APPLES GREAT AND SMALL.
ALL THINGS PRICED WITH OVER-KILL;
STEVE JOBS MADE THEM ALL.

PC's are unusable;
More trouble than they're worth.
Though I've never used one,
I'll give them a wide berth!

(Chorus)
ALL THINGS BRIGHT AND BEAUTIFUL;
ALL APPLES GREAT AND SMALL.
ALL THINGS PRICED WITH OVER-KILL;
STEVE JOBS MADE THEM ALL.


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Title: I'll Lead You All (to give cash to me)

To the Tune of: I Am the Lord of the Dance 

 

(CHORUS)
PART WITH YOUR MONEY UNTO ME.
I'LL GET RICH IF MY MACS ARE PRETTY.
SO I'LL LEAD YOU ALL, WHOEVER YOU MAY BE,
YES I'LL LEAD YOU ALL TO GIVE CASH TO ME.

At first my Macs were as beige as PC's.
They were poor as everybo-o-dy could see.
The O/S was crap and has remained to be.
And still people give all the cash to me.

(Chorus)
PART WITH YOUR MONEY UNTO ME.
I'LL GET RICH IF MY MACS ARE PRETTY.
SO I'LL LEAD YOU ALL, WHOEVER YOU MAY BE,
YES I'LL LEAD YOU ALL TO GIVE CASH TO ME.

We then made Apple appear totally new.
In came the designer who-o gave us a few clues.
Quasi-futuristic in a shade of blue,
to be followed up with other 'flavours' too.

(Chorus)
PART WITH YOUR MONEY UNTO ME.
I'LL GET RICH IF MY MACS ARE PRETTY.
SO I'LL LEAD YOU ALL, WHOEVER YOU MAY BE,
YES I'LL LEAD YOU ALL TO GIVE CASH TO ME.

We all thought that Apple looked like a lady-shave.
Time to tell designers to stop messing and behave.
But in came the adverts and the punters did rave,
With an elitist regime in the hope MS would cave!

(Chorus)
PART WITH YOUR MONEY UNTO ME.
I'LL GET RICH IF MY MACS ARE PRETTY.
SO I'LL LEAD YOU ALL, WHOEVER YOU MAY BE,
YES I'LL LEAD YOU ALL TO GIVE CASH TO ME.

Now we're moving o-on to a new design.
Out of shame the old depa-artment resigned.
Now we're using slate to make our products look fine.
No one seemed to notice that grey is our new line.

(Chorus)
PART WITH YOUR MONEY UNTO ME.
I'LL GET RICH IF MY MACS ARE PRETTY.
SO I'LL LEAD YOU ALL, WHOEVER YOU MAY BE,
YES I'LL LEAD YOU ALL TO GIVE CASH TO ME.

The punters are still greedy and they want to see more.
And we have a surprise waiting on our drawing board.
We're bringing back beige and taking money by the score,
And it's leaving us laughing 'till our throats are soar!

(Chorus)
PART WITH YOUR MONEY UNTO ME.
I'LL GET RICH IF MY MACS ARE PRETTY.
SO I'LL LEAD YOU ALL, WHOEVER YOU MAY BE,
YES I'LL LEAD YOU ALL TO GIVE CASH TO ME.


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Title: Amazing Case

To the Tune of: Amazing Grace 

 

Amazing Case,
How sweet and round,
Such beautiful eye candy.
A fear of cost,
I've never found.
I'll give Apple my money.

With picture; crisp.
With OS; new.
And concepts all of our own.
I care not for res,
Nor an MS view.
Mac ideas predate their own.

We trust in Mac,
For it is good.
And so we shall proclaim.
We put down PC's,
Like everyone should.
We'll blindly call MS lame.

There's none more true,
There's none more right,
Than the tales of the Apple supreme!
We cant justify,
But for Mac, we'll fight!
Because the case, is the best, we've seen.

Amazing Case,
How sweet and round,
Such beautiful eye candy.
A fear of cost,
I've never found.
I'll give Apple my money.

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Title: This Little Mac of Mine

To the Tune of: This Little Light of Mine 

 

(Chorus)
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
OH, HOW IT MAKES ME PINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
MORE POWER SHOULD BE MINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
ON THE NET I WILL WHINE;
MAKES ME PINE, 'CAUSE ITS MINE, NOW I'LL WHINE.

Shove it under a cushion? NO!
I'll be proud of the form and line!
Beat Wintel into submission? CAN'T!
They're just jealous of design!
Buy a PC: break a tradition? NEVER!
I'll cope with my Mac just fine.
Denial is mine, mine, mine; I'll do just fine!

(Chorus)
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
OH, HOW IT MAKES ME PINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
MORE POWER SHOULD BE MINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
ON THE NET I WILL WHINE;
MAKES ME PINE, 'CAUSE ITS MINE, NOW I'LL WHINE.

Believe my Mac is fast? YES!
I'm gonna go on lyin'!
Believe Mac broke the cast? SURE!
PC don't have own line!
Convince PC users they're past? ERM...
I'm gonna go on tryin'
Go on tryin', tryin', tryin'; go on tryin'!

(Chorus)
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
OH, HOW IT MAKES ME PINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
MORE POWER SHOULD BE MINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
ON THE NET I WILL WHINE;
MAKES ME PINE, 'CAUSE ITS MINE, NOW I'LL WHINE.

PC users are all gay! TRUE!
This is how we pass our time!
To trolls that's what we say; GAY!
It's the best thing to do online!
Now we're gonna make them pay! YAY!
And I don't mean with a fine!
We'll get them cryin', cryin', cryin'; get them cryin'!

(Chorus)
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
OH, HOW IT MAKES ME PINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
MORE POWER SHOULD BE MINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
ON THE NET I WILL WHINE;
MAKES ME PINE, 'CAUSE ITS MINE, NOW I'LL WHINE.

We don't like them to fight. NUP!
We think it is a crime!
'Cause we know they're usually right. ERM...
They should all be doing time!
They make fun of our plight. GRR!
They're a bunch of overweight-porcine!
Fat Pigs Fat Pigs Fat Pigs!!!

(Chorus)
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
OH, HOW IT MAKES ME PINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
MORE POWER SHOULD BE MINE.
THIS LITTLE MAC OF MINE,
ON THE NET I WILL WHINE;
MAKES ME PINE, 'CAUSE ITS MINE, NOW I'LL WHINE.

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Last Update: September 14 2002

 

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