Electric Chicken's HALL OF FAME

Compiled by Kin Wicked of MaunderSoft


Unlike the guestbook, the entries here will appear chronologically down the page. The Subjects entries will appear in white, and relevant comments from other users will appear in yellow. Any annotations will appear in red though you may want to skip some of those parts if you don't want my biased outlook.

Last Updated: 12/09/02



Clay provides us with an exceptional example of internet schizophrenia. This affliction has been possessed largely by those who felt the need provide a backup for themselves; a means to show that they are not alone in their opinions, but infact have a following. The Ward and Naked George are also guilty of this but never has it been done with such panache as in the time of Clay's reign.


It is important to note that Clay appears to have reformed! I can't in all good conscience go any further without letting any reader know that Clay infact ended his reign on a very amicable note, and has been back since with pleasant tidings for the Chicken!




Name: spacemonkey
Sent: 22.10 - 23/6

Leaving the humor (or lack of it) aside, alot of the facts people are using are very misleading. Intel uses it's own benchmark to test it's chips, and they use DOS to check. Windows is an application that runs off DOS and uses memory to run, therefore the benchmark tests are very misleading. A 2GHZ intel chip runs that fast on DOS not windows. As a mac zealot I was forced to use a Windows based machine at work until I hooked my G4 Tibook onto the network. Now I have all of my coworkers asking me to do things for them because the Windows machines won't cut it. Say what you want about the styling of mac products but it is the operating system that shines. Mac OS 10 is the most advanced operating system in the world. It out does anything before it and is so stable it is scary. I have never had a crash, or any hardware problem since I started using it. For you that wish to judge a machine by it's appearance I feel truly so for you. You will never know the joy that is using a macintosh. As for price, why is the computer industry the only one that cost is a sign of weakness? Yes macs are expencive but you get what you pay for. Like all good things in life when you by the cheapest one you end up with crap. I do admire the amount of work that went into the project but wouldn't your time be better spent working on something worthwhile. And if you ever get your hands on a mac running OS 10 with Maya you will never go back to a windows machine, I guarantee it.

This was one of the 9 names that Clay wrote under. Though it negates some of the humour to reveal the multiple personalities of the writer, it will be obvious by the colour coding  implemented to the page. Among his monikers were: Clay, Douglas, Frank, Garrett, Joe Bob, Bill, Jim, and spacemonkey. Incidentally, the comment about Intel's benchmarks has been addressed and it is believed that this statement is false.

Name: Bob
Sent: 22.17 - 23/6


 Name: Bob
Sent: 22.00 - 27/6

See, McDonalds has over x Billion served. Which means over x billion people ate sh*t for breakfast, lunch or dinner. And that's fine. Midiocre food for mediocre people. But it's just not for me. There are a variety of reasons not to eat McDonalds. Bob in Wisconsin doesn't eat it because of moral reasons: he is against the spread of 'global' (American) culture throughout the world, of quality, local establishments being passed over in favor of some corporate franchise. Sue in Zimbabwe doesn't eat McDonalds for ethical reasons: she is a rabbit-food eating vegan who is against the Amazon rainforest being turned down to make the land to raise the 'cattle' that go into McDonalds 'hamburgers.' Judith in the Czech republic doesn't eat McDonalds because of health reasons-- she doesn't feel the need to shorten her lifespan, and she hears bizarre rumours about what goes into McFood.
And those are all valid reasons...
....but they are not mine.
At the end of the day, i do not eat McDonalds because I am above eating McDonalds. It is sh*t. I prefer prime rib. And if I have to explain why I prefer prime rib over ****, well then, we have a long day ahead of us, don't we! If it needs explanation, then it is most likely you will never understand.
Windows has x billion served. And there are a plethora of reasons not to use Windows XX. Phil in Nebraska might not use it because of moral reasons: he is not 'down' with Microsoft's business practices, bullying other companies and leveraging themselves into a Monopoly. He doesn't want to give his money to 'the man.'Laura in Holland doesn't use WinXX for political and cultural reasons: she buys/uses the competition to ensure that there will remain a 'competition' and to see what this hippy-dippy techno-utopian cultural phenomena called 'open source' is all about. And perhaps Vlad in Yugoslavia has been burned by WinXX before, and refuses to shell out hundreds for such a product again, instead turning to something either technologically superior (IE every other OS out there for PC hardware) or something easier to use/navigate. And those are great reasons.
But they are not my reasons. My reason is that WinXX is sh*t. It is beneath me to use it. A mediocre OS for mediocre people.
The best-selling OS product for the masses.. kind of the NSYNC or Spice Girls of OSes. Or, a better analogy, the McDonalds of Oses. Tripe for the masses who do not know better, who are so easily swayed by marketing that they drink Pepsi after a nice jog in the nike shoes and hilfiger tracksuit, who think that budweiser is beer, Kraft single slices are cheese, Wonderbread is in fact 'bread,' and Survivor/Jerry Springer are quality television. You know: idiots. The unwashed masses. The ones who keep the McDonalds and Microsofts of the world going.
And that's cool. To each their own. And most of them will never eat 'real' cheese or experience the flavours and variety of 'real beer.'
And they will never know what they are missing.
But it is not like I am some sort of peasant who doesn't have a choice. I do not live in the ghettos, I do not subsist off of handouts. I am not a beggar, and thus can afford to be a chooser. I choose prime rib. I choose to use a Powerbook. I choose to run Linux (technologically superior) and the Mac OS (ease of use) on it. Because I am worth it. I am worth the few extra dollars for Shaftbury Paul and Tim's. I am worth the few extra cents for a small wheel of
brie, or some feta for my salads and pasta, or a fresh loaf of sourdough. I listen to real music made by bands/groups the gained reputation through talent, not sheer marketing force.And if I have to explain my preference, if you just don't 'get it,' then chances are you never will. If I have to explain why Windows is beneath me, why McCrap is beneath me, why I don't wear Hilfiger jeans or drink Molson Canadian (the Canuck equivalent to a 5% alchohol Budweiser) or Mike's hard Lemonade or Rotting Grape wine....
Well, never mind. It shouldn't need explaining. If it does, you should be embarrased, because the Clue Train left town, and you missed it.

If you have read the whole of the comment above, I wouldn't blame anyone for feeling a little angry at the comments. Or you could just be laughing as I was. It is an embarrassment for Mac users and an insult to anyone who doesn't live the same lifestyle as "Bob" (Clay). A note to anyone thinking about being so pompous in the guestbook having read this; unless you are trying to look like an ill-mannered, uneducated, self absorbed idiot, DON'T! The trouble with people who claim that their life is better than anyone else's because they pay a little more for luxuries or that they don't watch certain TV shows etc. is that they invariably show themselves up as being no better than the "trash" they so much want to be different from. To spend your life trying not to be a certain type of person instead of just being yourself and happy with it is a very sad and hollow life indeed. A teacher of mine back in upper school once said that "no one really likes Coca-Cola, but the advertisers tell us to like it so we do. It is a nasty sticky brown substance that doesn't quench your thirst." I considered the possibility of this at the time but came to the conclusion that, no!, I actually do enjoy a glass of coke for me, not for the advertisers. What my teacher should have said was that he doesn't like it and disagrees with the advertising that attempts to make Coca-Cola an integral part of family life. The long and the short of it is that if you enjoy eating McFood and watching Jerry Springer, and it is your choice, then do it. If you don't like these things, do something else, but never try to tell someone you are better than them for it as it only puts you beneath them! As for his points on computers, well obviously it is biased, but I think we can conclude from the guestbook that there is no right and wrong in the debate. It will be a never ending argument. But you have to admit that it's certainly amusing to see the various reactions to the joke. Guestbook patrons comments follow...

Name: Electric Chicken
Sent: 22.21 - 27/6

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! And there I was thinking all Mac fanatics were snobs!

Name: Kin Wicked
Hometown: Northants UK
Sent: 23.56 - 27/6

Congratulations, Bob. You are the winner of the condescending nob-shite of the page award. I do hope you take pride in this - it hasn't been advertised, yer'know!

Lets see, Bob has obviously done his home work. He's so clearly looked into all the stats and found a unique colleration between windows users and mcdonalds diners. Yes Bob, you're right! Every Windows user eats at mcdonalds 21 times a week, wear the same clothes and are entertained by the same things. The other few percent of the population make up the numbers for all the other varied and interesting things this world has to offer. And of course, those who dont own a computer, dont eat, drink, or do anything.

If your idea of a night out is prime rib and a peice of brie on a digestive, then you are a sad, sad little man.

You would like to think of yourself as a thinking man, I see. A man who has choices. Though all you really are is a man who likes to be anti-fashionable. You like the idea 'think different' because it makes you feel special, where as what you really want is to think/be different, just like everyone else.

There are indeed some unfortunates who seem to dwell in an existence that is somewhat low-brow, but that is not defined by their choice of OS. I enjoy a life that affords me the opportunity to dine in both pleasant restaurants, and mcdonalds restaurants. However, I dont get all het up and think; "That squid looks gross and very over priced but I simply must go and eat there to be as cosmopolitan and interesting and different as possible...with all the other lost souls like me in there". Most of the time I eat at home, often my own cooking. But this cant be right, I'm a PC user and so incapable of thought!!!
I am not perpetually going out to buy clothes that have me following a flock, nor do I try and be so totally different as to be classed as wierd. I dress in smart clothes and seldom have to replace them myself as people are forever buying my clothes as presents at my birthday and christmas. I want for very little and am happy with my lot. Of course, like most, I wish for more, but what I wish for are my choices, not the advertisers.

Why do I use windows? Because I am used to it. You claim it is difficult, and mac O/S's are easier, the word you are probably looking for is intuitive. All this means though is that you havew gotten used to the way Apple machines work. This doesnt make them better. A thing is not as it is, but as we perceive it. And as such, you merely perceive your sytem to be better. Have you, per chance ever used a PC for a SIGNIFICANT length of time? I doubt you have. Not long enough to form a constructive opinion. This is, naturally an assumption, but one based on your writings. It's really quite clear.

Anyway, you cling to your myths, your elitism, and your self justification. The rest of us, will just go on with our lives, making decisions right or wrong while you remain blinkered by your fears and social inadequacies.

Thank you for making me lagh, Bob. I needed a smile!

Kin Wicked

Yeah! What I said!

Name: Kin Wicked
Hometown: Northants UK
Sent: 09.38 - 28/6

Apologies to Mr. Chicken

It waqs late and I was knackered. I know everyone likes to point out the obvious spelling and grammar mistakes. My unique way of spelling "collerations" (ie corelation) can be attributed to the fact that my bed was calling me. There are undoubtedly other such mistakes that I shall probably be pulled to bits over.
Ah well.

Kin Wicked

Name: Parrot Johnson
Hometown: Beverly Hills
Sent: 09.46 - 28/6

I eat at McDonalds at every opportunity! ITS GORGEOUS! I Like Pepsi, but prefer Coke. I dont spend lots of money on fashions but I do like to be upto date!
Bob, you've embarressed yourself and all mac users with those comments. Child!

It's not only PC users who were angered by "Bob's" comments.

Name: Couldn't resist
Hometown: Who cares who eats at McDonalds?
Sent: 16.21 - 28/6

"they dont mention nothing bout their hardware"

Quote of the day. Is this PC vernacular? =) Or do PC users just all reside in the hills of Appalacia?

Name: Couldnt give a shit
Hometown: Bob cares, and thats about all
Sent: 17.58 - 28/6

So we are back to who can speak the most elegantly are we? Perhaps it's fair or not to say this, but frankly I want to, so I will:
It would seem apparent that there as a vast array of different people who use PCs. Different classes, cultures, colours, politics, ethics.....etc
But it also seems apparent there is only one type of apple user. Middle class snobs who want to be different from everyone else and so conform to a small monopolistic company to give themselves a sense of self gratifying elitism. Ooh, and business managers who don't know a thing about computers other than their company needs them so why not go for a brand that matches their ikea furniture rather than beig models.
Fair? I don't care!
True? Probably closer to the truth than many mac users would like to admit!
Over generalised? WELL OBVIOUSLY!!

Couldn't have put it any better myself!

Name: Your mom
Sent: 18.11 - 28/6

What the hell you talking about bob, no one cares about mcdonalds or nsync u freak. Yall can have your mac os i dont really care, pay more for a peice of crap hardware. u can buy ur external floppy drives and cd burners and hard drives, money money money. id say u get more for your money with pc but then yall start cryin sayin pc has all these errors. ur just a bunch of scared paranoid babys when u see a computer error

Name: Clay
Sent: 18.23 - 28/6

Everyone seems to be mentioning the fact that no one is speaking about Mac hardware. Well let me try to rectify that. The reason that Mac people rarely talk about hardware is because we never have to think about it. Macintosh makes all the hardware and the software so it works seamlessly. I currently use a G4 tower with a superdrive (DVD-RAM/CD-RW), 1 GB of ram. I have a NVIDIA graphics card that came with the machine, and a 17'' LCD monitor. I have never though about updating the video or soundcard because I don't feel I need to. I have friends with PC and whenever they upgrade cards they seem to go through compatibility hell. Not all the time, but a good portion. I use a PC at work and we had a hell of a time getting our digital camera to work properly. The other thing that PC users forget that the majority of new advancements that everyone take for granted where started and pushed into the mainstream by Mac. USB, Firewire, etc. These were standard on a Mac long before you could even but a card for a PC. Macs were shipping with a Zip drive when PC's were and still are shipping with a floppy drive. Question, what exactly do people use those for? Say what you will about Mac, but all PC owners owe the technology they are now using to Mac. As for design Mac does push the envelope, but PC users must admit the PC community did a pretty good job jumping on the coattails. Every time I walked into CompUSA, every peripheral for PC was translucent etc. And anyway if you look at the new Mac lineup the itoilet is a little late. All the new Macs are very clean lined with Grey or white being the norm. I must admit I like the way my computer looks but that's not why I use it. I use it for the OS and the ease of use. I like plug and play, not plug and pray.

Infact there was only one person raising the point about Mac hardware, so this was really an excuse for a rant. As far as Macs preceding PC's for technological innovations, sure it's true, but it doesn't matter who came first since the technology is here and in use now...so what? Who is he trying to blame? There were plenty of other large storage mediums prior to Zips in any case. But why use a Zip drive when you can use a writable / re-writable CD? It makes the Zip drive kind of redundant! Floppy disks make for an excellent small storage medium for which there is still cause to use today. Why then bog down your system with various types of large storage that will hold about as much data as each other when you already have a standard - the CD, and now the DVD. And as for the new line of designs - condemning the Electric Chicken for being 'late' in his spoof is pointless when it has caused such a mixed set of responses and has achieved its aim. It caused some to laugh and others to pout. Anyway, with lines in grey and white, I think the next step forward could be.......BEIGE!!!!

Name: Jim
Sent: 18.28 - 28/6

Mac vs. Pc. It is like comparing apples to oranges. Some people like apples, some people like oranges. It is like comparing a Ford to a Chevy. Yes they are both cars, but I might like Z28's and you might like Mustangs. Neither of us are wrong, we picked the vehicle that suited our own needs. To each thier own.

An odd comment to come from the same person as wrote the Macdonald's speech!

Name: Bill
Sent: 19.07 - 28/6

Macs are used by designers and artists. PC are used by buisnessmen and gamers. Bottom line

Over generalised nonsense!

Name: Garrett
Sent: 19.08 - 28/6

Why is the computer industry where cheaper is better?

Name: Garrett
Sent: 19.08 - 28/6

Whoops. Typo. Let's try that again.

Why is the computer industry the only one where cheaper is better?

Who says it is? From a Mac user this makes no sense as they are conceding that Macs are not the better machine. But it is in every industry that cheaper is more preferable, but one cannot over generalise and ever say it will be either better or worse!

Name: Bob
Sent: 19.12 - 28/6

This is for "Couldn't give a sh*t".

Apple is a monopoly? Are you insane? It is Microsoft that is being dragged through court right now for it's unethical buisness practices. As well as being a monopoly. Get you facts straight before you start typing.

Name: Joe
Sent: 19.19 - 28/6

Mac OS 10 is built off of the Unix operating system. You know the one almost every server in the world runs. OS 10 is the most advanced OS ever produced. Microsoft tried it hardest to make XP look like Mac OS 10. Microsoft has been ripping off Apple's OS since it first appeared in 1984. True there are more Windows users in the world, but that does not make it the best, it means it is the most popular. Apple is the forerunner of technology and the PC world just follows behind. I have used Windows XP and it is a sad imitation of OS 10. Period.

If we're going to start pointing the finger at those who rip each other off, the GUI that is referred to as the Mac GUI was stolen from Xerox, OS10 is now more like windows than ever despite the propaganda from Apple claiming for example that the Dock is a means to access your programs in a way that Windows users have never had before (No one has heard of the task bar then?), and lets face it, if the design of the parodied Macs is not a rip off of a lady-shave and the new iMac is not a rip off from any desk lamp design, I would be shocked. (Yes, the last two comments were meant in fun - take me literally and it will be yourself looking foolish!) On top of this, the use of the UNIX core for the new OS can't be overlooked when talking about rip-offs. Though it has not been stolen from any one company, UNIX has been around for so long and has been used on so many systems, that it has to be admitted that it is an admission from Apple that they don't have the ability to create their own successful OS. Mac users love to point out how stable their OS is with its UNIX core as if it has always been the case. OS10 has not been out as long as all that. It is only recently that the Mac community has enjoyed the stability of UNIX. On top of this, as we stand at the time of this page being written, not many companies using Macs have been able to make the switch. Remember that the complete rewrite of the OS means that old programs from the previous OS's wont be transferable. It's a big investment to upgrade!

Name: Couldn't Give a shit
Hometown: Bob's right shoulder
Sent: 12.27 - 29/6

Direct response to BOB:
What is a monopoly? It is where a company corners a market and makes it impossible for other companies to form competition.
Apple make their own machines. They make their own software. There are no packard Bell Apples, no Dell Apples, no IBM Apples, no Fujitsu Apples, no Tiny Apples, no Gateway Apples (etc etc etc). There are only Apples. With the exception of the genious who gutted an old apple box and crammed in PC Parts, there are no Apples running non apple based o/s's.
Microsfoft make operating systems, office programs, games, network programs, etc etc etc. Their o/s's, like apple o/s's, allow for a broad range of other companies to make software that will run under their environment. YOU DONT HAVE TO USE MS WORD TO TYPE A LETTER ON A PC. Infact you even have many companies who make software to run on either platform. They just happen to usually run faster on a PC. But MS also dont make their own machines meaning that there is a huge range of competition to make PC's.
Why has Gates been taken to court for having a monopoly? Because MS is a success. If MS is a monopoly, then Apple is even more a monopoly, for the fact that they make ALL their own goods for what people like to term "an industry standard", it just happens that Apple are not big enough or scary enough to warrant taking them to court.

Do you understand now? People say that us PC users believe all that we hear. In this instance, I know what has happened, I just also happen to have given the matter T H O U G H T. This is probably a foreign concept to you. You probably think that all you need to do to keep ahead of things is to read the news. Why not take that a step further and.....T H I N K! I know I'm asking alot of you, but thats the way it is.

I have yet to see this point contested successfully!

Name: The ejudicator
Hometown: Omnipresent
Sent: 13.20 - 29/6

-please note that not all of "The ejudicator's" comments are relevant here as all the contributors to a page of the guestbook were commented on. Therefore, some will not appear here.

I have come to judge thee!

Parrot Johnson: Couldn't agree with you more!

Tadek 'Tnt' Tanski: Very good - you must be the first person to have written such a funny comment.

Jane: You have a good point, but if you find the discourse so nauseatingly dull, why did you write?

Couldn't resist: To mock a style of speech in a debate shows your lack of thinking capacity and inability to produce valid arguments.

Couldnt give a shit: You made my point for me, I see! But YES! You did overgeneralise the unfortunate MAC users.

Your mom: Too true! PC's have errors, Macs have errors. It simply seems that PC users can own up to having tech problems where as alot of Mac users (though far from all) seem to erase such errors in their minds the next time they reboot.

Clay: Actually, one person said that no one is talking about mac hardware and then "Couldn't Resist" mocked the style of writing. Infact the debate of the hardware is as strong as that for the operating systems. To cover some of your other points:
-How could ANYONE forget that applemac have innovated all this wonderful technology? But do you know what? Phillips has also innovated alot of technology. They were the first to make video tape for home use. But they were too expensive so VHS became the standard. You may recall the Phillips CDi. Also too expensive and games consoles have since leapt forward and we have the invention of DVD. Thank goodness for phillips and thank goodness to apple, but above all, thank goodness to the assimilators of technology who make it mainstream and affordable!
-When fols buy a packaged PC, more often than not, most will not need or want to upgrade the cards in the machine. I'm also happy with both the sound and graphics cards that were packaged with my computer. However, I wanted more, so I got more. And it was really quite easy to attatch printer, scanner, TV card, extra hard-disk, midi keyboard, webcam and graphics tablet. Can you tell me it would be both easy and possible to have all of these devices attached to a mac at one time, and can you also tell me that such additions wouldn't spoil thoise sleek erotic lines of the machine (I have known mac users to refuse necessary upgrades due to spoiling the look of their machine!!!).
What do I use a floppy drive for? Simple! Small files. DUH! For large files I have a CD burner that I can either use to write closed CD's or rewritable ones. For small documents and the like, I have a floppydisk drive. If the file is too large for a floppy but does not warrant the use of a CD, or a CD is impractice, then I can split the file and put it on two or more disks as required, and reassemble on the other machine to which I am transferring by simply clicking on a batch file. That's why we use floppy drives. Plus it is nice, inexpensive storage that is simplicity to mobilise and store.
-The appearance of the mac - simply design over function. For the mac users like yourself, why don't apple produce machines in a standard dull box that would make life easier for upgrade and should lower the cost? You could then have something called choice. You already think you have it, but you could know what choice really is then - two possible decisions to make...maybe more! New line of design...in stylish grey...better look out, beige might come back into fashion!!!!

Jim: well said!

Bill: very narrow minded. Alot of sterling artwork is produced on a PC, it is simply that in the graphics industry, they have managers believeing that MAC is better for creativity, often selling the idea that it looks really creative doesnt it? Unfortunately, this has filtered down through to education and everywhere, and so has bought itself about as truth on the basis that companies have integrated macs into their business. However, the fact is that creative people make creative work! The same products are made for both platforms. There is no valid reason why PC's shouldn't be used insted of Macs in the graphics industry.

Garrett: Everything is overpriced no matter who makes it. Macs just happen to be even more unnecessarily expensive. Probably to give the users that greater sense of elitism they seem to share!

Bob: Do you know what a monopoly is?

Joe:And apple never ever ever ripped off any ideas from other companies like xerox did they? - please also see my response to "Clay"

Doug:I'm glad you have had a proper chance to sample both properly and then based your choice on it. I have and I know many others like me who have. We stick happily to our PC's. Happy?

Brent: - I would agree but I'm trying to look like I'm on the fence so strictly speaking can't support your aggressive response (but do carry on my good man!)

sharon: good for you!

jeff: Hmmm.....toilet envy, creativity envy, or PC envy - when you decide, get back to us, ok?

Dave Suave:"Sharon" left an e-mail address, if you're only addressing her with advice, why not mail her?

Couldn't Give a shit:Keep ut the good work!

And here endeth the lesson!

Name: Clay
Sent: 17.11 - 29/6

The ejudicator

I have a Powerbook G4, as well as a G3 Tower. If you wish to discuss easy upgrade options, chech out how easy it is to open the case of the G3/G4 towers. As well as PCI slots, memory up to 1.5 GB, easy hard drive stacking and the availability of audio card and video cards for the mac, it is as upgradable as a PC. My point was that most mac users don't wish nor feel the need to upgrade other than memory and hard drive space. As for the floppy drive you missed my point. I use Illustrator and Photoshop almost exclusivley. My files range from 30mb and up. I would need thousands of segments floppies to transfer my files. The solution is an easy one. I have a zip drive that holds 250mb on each disk. My drive is portable so I can connect it to any PC or Mac with a USB port. A CDRW is a valid transfer device, I will give you that, but my point is that if PC manufactures used the floppy bay for a zip drive it would be a good step. As for perifials, I have a scanner, 2 printers, a wacom tablet, a trackball, a external firewire drive, a midi keyboard, an external CDRW, and a zip drive. I have barely enough room on my desk for paper. As for errors; I admit in the past that I had errors using Mac OS 9, but since I have swithched to OS 10 approx. 6 months ago I have not had one error.

Apparently a Mac fanatic unafraid to clutter his desk and take away from the Mac case design. There's a rarity!

Name: Garrett
Sent: 17.20 - 29/6

I am not an elitist. I work in an industry where macs are the norm - the print buisness. With the amount of time I spend on my mac the price didn't seem high. I make enough off it that the price wasn't a factor. As well I went computer shopping recently with a friend. He bought a PC for a base price, then added all the extras he wanted. By the time he was done adding firewire, USB, hard drive space, and memory, it came out being not much cheaper that my mac that had all of the extras standard.

As well, on this board I get the sence that it is the PC users that have a sence of elitism. You guys seem to have a great time bashing Macs and thier users.

He should tell his friend to look for a good package close to what he wanted, or find one of the many friendly computer manufacturers (the small ones, maybe even a one man band) who could throw it all together for him. They usually have good contacts and are able to get units at good prices as they buy in bulk.

Name: Frank
Sent: 17.30 - 29/6

Market share does not denote profit. Apple was higher up on the Forbes 500 than Microsoft. People have been perdicting the decline of Apple for years. In this time giant PC makers have fallen by the wasteside (Packard Bell etc.) BMW has a 5% market share in the automotive industry, Is anyone going to say they are a struggling company? No.

So what "Frank" (Clay) is saying is that Mac buy the cheapest materials to craft into "artistic", "stylish" designs, and then sell it all at excessive prices with little after-sale service in order to make huge profits. We knew this already. That's one of the reasons we don't like Apple Macs!

Name: Douglas
Sent: 17.43 - 29/6

With the amount of people switching to UNIX, Linux and other open source operating systems, microsoft has a problem. After using UNIX for years, I have recently started using Mac OS 10 as well, and I must say I am impressed. I bought an ibook and I would say that the price was comparable to a windows based laptop with the same features. My reason for puchasing an ibook was when I attended the WWDC and saw the ammount of people in the UNIX community using them. I had a chance to play with one there and fell in love with it. I have since put my Sony Vaio on ebay. I think alot of people in this forum are very closed minded. I still have a PC running Red Hat, and I have an ibook running OS 10. I can use both and both have thier strenghths and weaknesses. The real problem I have is not with PC or Mac, it is with microsloth. It is a bloated, horrible operating system, and the problem is that because it is shipped with the majority of computer people just accept it and use it. I challange all of you to try UNIX, Linux, or OS 10. It will be rough at the start but once you get used to it you will never go back.


Name: Clay
Sent: 18.13 - 29/6

7 of the top ten best selling software titles of 2001 for the PC were anti-virus and system tools. I think this speaks volumes as to how great the microsoft OS really is.

Whether this is true or not I cannot verify, but all it really says is that there are more people using PC's and therefore more virus's about. So it would stand to reason that people want to be protected. Macs, contrary to some beliefs, are not invulnerable to virus's. There are simply fewer because there are fewer users.

Name: Spacemonkey
Sent: 20.23 - 29/6

Some quotes for you
I wish him the best, I really do. I just think he and Microsoft are a bit narrow. He'd be a broader guy if he had dropped acid once or gone off to an ashram when he was younger.
Steve Jobs

"When I sit down in front of a Windows machine, I can't write; when I sit down in front of a Mac, I can write. So I only use Macs."
- Michael Chrichton, author

"I've fondled a G3 lately, and anyone who hasn't is missing out on an experience that is about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on."
- Bob Domron, MacUser, July 1998

"DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form."
- New York Times, November 26, 1991

"If we built houses the way we build software, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilisation."
- Anonymous

"It has been claimed that a very large number of monkeys, armed with a very large number of typewriters, would eventually reproduce the great works of mankind. It would appear that the internet is well on its way to proving that wrong."
- Anonymous

"Windows 95 is like the mountainside: it's even nicer if you can watch it from afar."
- Anonymous

"Mac users swear by their computers. PC users swear at their computers."
- Anonymous

"You recommend Macs to your friends, and Intel machines to those whom you don't mind billing by the hour."
- Anonymous

"Did you know that computers run on smoke? You can tell because if the smoke escapes the computer stops working ..."
- Anonymous

"A computer without Windows is like a fish without a bicycle."
- Anonymous

"We know where we want to go, but right now there's no clear consensus on how to get there."
- Jim Allchin, Microsoft Senior Vice President (Personal and Systems Business Group)

"I don't do .INI, .BAT, or .SYS files. I don't assign apps to files. I don't configure peripherals or networks before using them. I have a computer to do all that. I have a Macintosh, not a hobby."
- Fritz Anderson

"Some people have a life, others have Windows to tell them where they want to go today"
- Ronald C.F. Antony

"To see tomorrow's PC, look at today's Macintosh."
- Byte magazine October 1995

"Who needs horror movies when we have Microsoft?"
- Christine Comaford, PC Week

"The future is here, and Apple is selling it. So get your wallets out."
- David Fanning, Macworld, May 98

"640K ought to be enough for anybody."
- Bill Gates, 1981

"I think the Macintosh is going to continue to be very, very important in the educational environment for a long, long period of time."
- Bill Gates, to National Educational Computing Conference June '97 (this comment recieved great applause)

"Imagine the disincentive to software development if after months of work another company could come along and copy your work and market it under its own name...without legal restraints to such copying, companies like Apple could not afford to advance the state of the art."
- Bill Gates, 1983 (New York Times, 25 Sep 1983, p. F2)

"Don't even bring the [Windows '98] CD-ROM into the same room with your ThinkPad."
- D. Gilmore

"I used to say that Apple should be the Sony of this business, but in reality, I think that Apple should be the Apple of this business."
- Steve Jobs, interviewed by Business Week, 25 May 1998

"The Internet is a place you go when you want to turn your brain on, and a television is a place you go when you want to turn your brain of. I'm not at all convinced that the twain shall meet."
- Steve Jobs, interviewed in Business Week

"Actual evil probably requires much more creativity, passion, and political ideology than anyone at or near the top of Microsoft seems to possess."
- Jon Katz, Hotwired
"I have to agree that with enough time and effort, you can get a windows computer to do almost anything that can be done on a Mac."
- Steve Kayner

"Better to fail at doing the right thing than to succeed at doing the wrong thing"
- Guy Kawasaki

"Saying Windows 95 is equal to Macintosh is like finding a potato that looks like Jesus and believing you've witnessed the second coming." - Guy Kawasaki

"Sony's market share for color TVs in 1995 was 7 percent according to Appliance Manufacturer (April 1996, p. 32); and Honda's is about 7 percent in the car business."
- Guy Kawasaki

"In a world without fences, who needs Gates?"
- Scott McNealy, (CEO of Sun)

"It would be just like programmers to shorten 'the year 2000 problem' to 'Y2K'-- exactly the kind of thinking that created this situation in the first place."
- Steven C. Meyer

"Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie."
- Dennis Miller The Dennis Miller Show, HBO, attrib.

"Excerpt from new OSHA regulation on computer systems: "....if said motherboard is equipped with an Intel central processing unit, an appropriate warning label bearing the words 'Intel Inside' shall be permanently affixed to the case in a prominent location.""
- Bruce Murphy

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
- Ken Olson Founder of DEC, 1977

"The day Microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is probably the day they start making vacuum cleaners."
- Ernst Jan Plugge

"Yes, I admit it: I love word 98. But look at the bright side: there are still 83,407 other Microsoft products left to loathe."
- David Pogue, MacWorld, December 1998

"If I'm going to sit in front of a piece of equipment for hours a day, I want to feel the intelligence that went into my operating system. I want to sense that an English major lost sleep over the wording of the dialogue boxes. I shouldn't have to teach my computer what kinds of files it has by adding .txt and .psd to their names. I don't want a default system font that looks like someone drew it on the bus on his way to work."
- David Pogue, MacWorld UK, June 1998

"PC users brag about what the media has said about their computers, Mac users brag about what they've done with their computers."
- Neal Porter

"Apple's approach to technology has never been perfect, but it has always recognised and embraced the more creative and aesthetic aspects of human nature."
- Michael Prochak, MacWorld, December 1998

"The Mac, truly, rules. Any developer that says otherwise has forgotten what it means to love computers."
- Cabel Sasser

"In no other field of manufacturing can companies supply stuff to the public so far from the 'plug and play' ideal and not be torn limb from flabby, rotting limb."
- Charles Shaar Murray, MacUser, 13 November 1998

"Software is like sex. It's better when it's free"
- Linus Torvalds

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM, 1943
"How is it that a computer company ranked 22 spots higher than Microsoft in the latest Fortune 500, which has $1.4 billion in the bank, and sold over four million computers last year, more than even IBM, is branded as beleaguered, troubled, and struggling?"
- Ann Werner

If you read through the quotes, you might wonder why someone passing through would take the time out of their day to write all that down (then again, you also might ask the same of this hall of fame, so lets not ask that question, eh? J ). Something you will note is that any quote supporting Apple is biased, any quote from Microsoft is taken out of context, other quotes are clearly irrelevant, but the one that tickles me is "Bill Gates is just a monocle and a Persian Cat away from being one of the bad guys in a James Bond movie." Why? Because you could give Bill Gates a set of metal teeth, a hooked hand, a blimp, a gold fetish, and if you like even another version of himself at 1/3 his size - he still wouldn't be interesting enough to be a bad guy in a James Bond movie!

Name: Kin Wicked
Hometown: Northants UK
Sent: 23.02 - 29/6

Knowing the host of this site pays off...
Spacemonkey, Douglas, Frank, Garrett and Clay, either you are all one person or for the cost of your applemac it took 5 people to purchase...hmmm. That is, unless, our good ol' buddy ol' pal "The Ward" has simply reset his home connection which would seem highly likely!!

Anyway, as usual, some valid comments made and plenty that are so much moonshine. But frankly I'm too tired right now to argue. I've got church in the morning and a very comfy looking bed waiting for me! Have fun Mr. Schitzo!! You may have a mac but you clearly have nothing to do with it other than spend a minimum of 3 hours and 10 minutes in desparate attempts to justify your owning one.

Before I go:
"As well, on this board I get the sence that it is the PC users that have a sence of elitism. You guys seem to have a great time bashing Macs and thier users."
Point of fact: Taking the piss out of you mac-heads is just so damned easy. You get really pissed off and whiney at the slightest mention that your platform just might not be as perfect as you'd like to believe.
Point of fact: Elitism is more akin to a situation only too common to highly creative artists who's weapon of choice is the PC. Your work is amazing. You have a real talent. You impress the crowds with your art form. You try to get a job in the industry and are turned down because you are not used to using a mac. NOW THAT'S ELITIST! Taking the piss out of you guys because it is SO easy, is exactly that and nothing more. Keep us all laughing! Keep posting!

Kin Wicked


Name: Clay
Sent: 23.15 - 29/6

The reason some of the posts have the same IP is because we are writing from a network on a shared DSL line.

Name: Electric Chicken
Sent: 00.41 - 30/6

Um. Yes Clay. Sure. Whatever. No really, we believe you. You're not just one guy with a really bad case of split personality disorder, you really all just happen to be on a shared line. Yeah, that'll be it.

Name: Kin Wicked
Hometown: Northants UK
Sent: 12.38 - 30/6

Yes, funny how every one seems to post their comments just enough minutes apart to validate the possibility that it is one person and not several. Why are we not seeing at least two of the comments only about a minute apart......I find this highly suspicious!!

Kin Wicked

Name: Chicken
Sent: 12.49 - 30/6

Come now, Kin. If Clay says he's telling the truth then we should believe him. After all, it's not as if Mac fanatics would start making up lies...

Name: Chicken again
Sent: 13.02 - 30/6

HAHAHA! Clay, go back to the previous page. There's a guy called Joe who also has the same IP number as you and all your buddies. There sure are a lot of you! Tell me Clay, are you simply buying loads of Macs to help keep Apple afloat?

Name: Chicken
Sent: 13.04 - 30/6

AND there's a guy called Bill too! How DO you manage to keep track of all your identities Clay???!

Name: Chicken
Sent: 13.11 - 30/6

Okay, so we've got: Clay, Bill, Joe, Spacemonkey, Garret, Douglas, Frank, plus I've just spotted a Jim, all one after the other, all with the same IP number! What an amazing string of conincidences!

He forgot Bob, the Macdonald's persona.

Name: Garret
Sent: 02.00 - 1/7

How the fuck many people have signed this guestbook?

This "Garret" had a different IP number so it might not have been Clay, but his timing was good!

Name: Clay
Sent: 20.12 - 1/7

OK fine you got me. I always use different names when I post. Anyway this will be my last post for quite awhile. I am moving soon, so no Internet. I just wanted to thank you for a very interesting and sometimes amusing message board. I have let all of my Mac and PC friends know about your board. I told them that it is like arguing over what came first the chicken or the egg. Anyway I would like to say just a few more things before I go. Chicken, I have to admit that I think you did a bang up job on the graphics, I wish you continued success. I would also like to say to the people that posted intelligent comments and arguments good for you. As for the people that take it to extremes, I think you need to grow up. Everyone is free to have a choice. I still believe that there are valid reasons to use both machines, and there are enough people to warrant both. I also believe that each platform owes and needs the other to continue their development. I believe that by Mac basing their new OS on UNIX they have taken a step in the right direction. Microsoft needs to follow the example of open source if they wish to move forward. There are so many people working on UNIX and Linux code that it continues to be a group effort that is making a very strong community, and a following of people that are almost as fanatical as Mac users. As for prices Mac has a made a step for affordability with the eMac. And while looking at the cost comparisons between North American and UK prices, Apple is definitely more expensive there. But as I said before cost wasn't important to me. I bought the machine I wanted, end of story. Well that's it, thanks for the fun.


Name: Kin Wicked
Hometown: Northants UK
Sent: 22.15 - 1/7

To 'Clay':
Would just like to say that your last comment is possibly one of the most satisfying comments I've seen in this guest book to date. Thanks for the laughs.

Kin Wicked

A month had past before his reconnection and first fresh entry to the guestbook.

Name: Clay
Sent: 06.42 - 1/8

Mac Competitor Said To Be Faster, Cheaper And Still Look Like Crap.

PC maker Northgate announced today a competitor to the iMac and eMac that the company says will be faster, cheaper, and still look like the kind of crap PC users are used to.
According to company representative Dorian Hyde, the "Integra" is Apple's digital hub brought to the Wintel world.
"We realized that Apple had a great idea with the digital hub," Hyde said. "But rather than forcing PC users to switch to a world of stylish hardware and software and seamless connections, wouldn't it be great if they could stay in a world of clunky interfaces, ugly-assed boxes and stuff that was never designed to work together in the first place?"
"Not to mention the overly strict software licensing requirements for XP! That's gravy!"
"Our research shows that PC users fear computers that look good or have a sense of style. The Integra's shitty design give them a comfort level they won't get with the iMac or the eMac. The Integra lets the PC user say, 'Here's a computer I know is no more attractive than I am.'"
Hyde was unable to elaborate on Northgate's claim that the Integra was 35% faster than either the iMac or the eMac, other than to lean in closer and repeat "It's faster! Faster!" while making several karate-chopping motions with both hands.
Further, while the base Integra, which does not come with Firewire, is exactly the same price as the base eMac, which does, Hyde still insisted the Integra was somehow 35-40% cheaper. When pressed on this issue, Hyde produced what he said was a study by a leading industry analyst on the pricing of the two computers. The document consisted of a picture of the eMac next to a picture of the Integra, below which someone had written "Cheaper" in crayon.
"Plus, the Integra comes with an FM radio! It's not like they give those things away! Well, OK, they do, at gas stations and stuff, but... it's cheaper!"
Hyde dismisses concerns of possibly legal action from Apple for copyright violation. "Our outside counsel has assured us a lawsuit by Apple will not be an issue."
Asked if Northgate's outside counsel charged by the hour, Hyde paused several moments before replying, "Um... yeah. Yeah, they do. Hmm."

Name: Steve
Sent: 19.21 - 1/8

Clay old buddy!! Good to see you back in this guestbook, once again up to your old tricks of copying and pasting Apple propoganda from other websites because you're too dim to come up with anything original to say!! Keep at it!

The chicken said it all, I guess! We then didn't hear from Clay for nearly another month...

Name: Clay
Sent: 15.23 - 29/8

Chicken. I wanted to let you know that there was a write up about you in my favorite mag, "Mac Design Magazine". It is the mac bible when it comes to graphic application for the mac. They are also well known for PC Bashing. Anyway here are a couple of excerpts from the write up.

"We're not usually one to tout anti-Apple web sites, but this one is so clever and the wed designers put so much work into it, we just had to tell our readers about it. The site has and Apple look and feel, with surprisingly good-looking graphics, and the "iToilet" itself looks very, well...Apple-like."

"The site itself is cute enough that you don't get mad..."

Congrats Chicken, and I hope you now realize that some mac people can take a joke. I give credit where credit is due, you made a pretty cool site.

Name: Chicken
Sent: 16.38 - 29/8

Thanks Clay, a bunch of people did tell me about that article, but I never got to read it because it's a US magazine, so thanks for typing up an excerpt. :)

 Cheers Clay!



The actions of Clay were dishonest, yes, but it has to be said that he made amends and showed that he too had a sense of humour. Though the comments in themselves were not the funniest part of his contribution, it was his extreme internet schizophrenia that had us chuckling. This should not be taken as an invitation to follow suit. If your desire is to find a seat in the hall of fame, you will need to be a little more original. However, Clay has not really enlightened us as such, but has entertained us. As a case study he hasn't revealed any more about the MacHead persona, though he has shown a little sense of humour, which is nice to see. It is also most satisfying to have someone on the rival team (for wants of a way to put it) who does appreciate the humour in the iToilet page and the guestbook. You have done well Clay. You've ruffled our feathers, you've laughed at us and given us something to laugh at as well, and still you come away from it with the respect of Chicken and I (I can't really comment for other PC users, but they're probably happy enough too!)


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